After months of curbside-only beer shopping, craft bottle shops have opened their doors to customers looking to pluck some single cans off the shelves in hopes of discovering a few new favorites. We did just that at The Open Bottle in Tinley Park, finding five beers from out-of-state breweries to check out, leading us to one mystery after another. But in that exploration, we learn a lot about ourselves, including just how much older we are than Willy Wonka. (I know, right?!?) This bevvy of contract and altprop beers steers us to remember our lustful sambas, ruin Craig’s craft beer band name, and go on the most boring Mystery Date ever. (By the way, this show should’ve been called “80% Twelve Percent” but Craig wouldn’t let me.)

Beers Reviewed

Public Access Liquids - Constellate (Lager w/ yuzu)

Humble Forager Brewery - Elevated Perspective: Samba, Nelson Sauvin, Mosaic Cryo, & Strata (Imperial oat cream IPA)

______ Brewing - The One That Just Kicked (Double IPA)

Fat Orange Cat Brew Co. - Do the Escalator to the 13th Floor (Double IPA)

Short Throw Brewing Co. - Low Brow Nobility (Imperial stout w/ toasted coconut, coffee, cinnamon, and maple syrup)

By the time you hit that third Zoom meeting of the day, you’re likely thinking about a beer to drink discretely that won’t get you in trouble. On this episode, we have five very different beers that all land under 6 percent, which should keep you out of trouble with HR. Craig seeks out some movie recommendations, Ryan wishes he had a Willi, and we discuss 3-time World Dabbing Champion Tom Emanski. We also discuss the merits of the margarita gose, get shocked to the core by a City Slickers revelation, try to fix Paw Patrol, and share the truth about horses. 

Beers Reviewed

Metropolitan Brewing - Jet Stream (Wheat beer)

Revolution Brewing Company - Rosa (Hibiscus ale)

Dovetail Brewery - Grodziskie 

Off Color Brewing - Beer for Tacos (Gose w/ lime juice, coriander, and pink Himalyan salt)

More Brewing Company - Lil’ Space Booties (DDH Session IPA)

Even though people are chasing pre-orders instead of trucks these days, Hop Butcher is still as hot as ever thanks to their consistent schedule of mostly hoppy - and mostly hazy - releases. The variation amongst these six beers is surprisingly significant, despite all being some sort of play on IPA. This episode is a tribute to what this brewery has become, and we’re satiating the Hop Butcher nerds with two trivia games and some additional information about all elements of their process - plus a tasty little nugget about a possible taproom. We’re also talking about placebo buttons, Cold IPAs, Mai Tais, bad comics about beer, autocorrect malaprops, and Craig’s Sabro insensitivity. We’re bringing phenomenal back. 

Beers Reviewed

Deep Rinse (Centennial, Simcoe, Amarillo & Zuper Saazer-hopped Cold India Pale Ale)

Dese, Dem & Dose (Simcoe, Motueka & Belma-hopped India Pale Ale)

Preserved In Three Dimensions (Sabro & Simcoe-hopped Double India Pale Ale)

Kielbasa King (Mosaic & Nelson Sauvin-hopped Double India Pale Ale)

Circumpolar Cherry Cyclone (Citra & Strata-hopped Milkshake Double India Pale Ale Brewed with Lactose, Vanilla and Cherry)

A Deeper Dish (Citra & Vic Secret-hopped Triple India Pale Ale)

Soothing that early summer heat with big ol’ glasses of lactose and hops, we’re sharing shakes from afar this week with the hopes of better understanding our complicated relationship with this popular style. We have five very different milkshake IPAs from some local favorites and - GASP - there may be a grifter in our midst! Other childish talking points include Green River floats, new Fun Dip slogans, the merits of Neapolitan ice cream, toilet ghoulies, shower sharks, and just who is at the top of the Milkshake Kombat Mountain. 

Beers Reviewed

Maplewood Brewing Company - Son of Shakey (Milkshake IPA w/ wheat, oats, lactose, and vanilla)

Riverlands Brewing - Strawberry Shaky Shaky (Milkshake IPA w/ strawberry, lactose, Mosaic hops, and vanilla)

Mikerphone Brewing - Crushcrushcrush (Milkshake IPA w/ Citra, vanilla, and orange peel)
Phase Three Brewing - DDH Mosaic Sabro Double Crème (DDH DIPA w/ Mosaic, Sabro, oats, and milk sugar)

Hop Butcher for the World - Ocean Key (Citra & Motueka-hopped milkshake DIPA w/ pineapple, key lime, and vanilla)

Since you won’t find either of us sitting on some coffeehouse patio anytime soon, we’re bringing the coffee home in the form of five stouts. While they all deliver the caffeine and the booze, each beer stands on its own unique merits - or is a victim of context. But we’re also here to get Craig prepped to audition for the new Supermarket Sweep, including how to navigate the new craft beer aisle. We also feel nostalgic for beer travels, stop at Ryan’s cooking corner, get VIP access to the fields of Charleston Chews, and observe a series of dissipating heads. 

Beers Reviewed

More Brewing - Hush of Night: Chocolate City (Milk stout blended w/ Dark Matter Chocolate City coffee)

Trillium Brewing - PM Dawn (Imperial stout w/ Barrington Coffee Roasters cold brewed coffee)

2nd Shift Brewing - Coffee Liquid Spiritual Delight (Imperial stout w/ coffee)

Maplewood Brewing - Cuppaccino (Imperial stout w/ Metric coffee, vanilla, and chocolate)

Noon Whistle Brewing - Dodging Traffic (Imperial stout w/ Tugboat coffee)

Here’s hoping that we can talk you out of attending that backyard barbecue by offering up this refreshing bowl of audio fruit salad to help your summer isolation feel a bit more festive. We have five different fruited beers that really span the range from “pleasant fruit accessory” to “chunky berry sludge” - and they honestly succeed in ways we didn’t expect. We plan some totally radical ways to break up illicit social gatherings, please the Tootsie Pop conspiracy theorists, mistake Craig for Instagram, get hostile at Jamba Juice, and eulogize a good blender. Good gorf. 

Beers Reviewed

Haymarket Beer Company - Blood Orange Blonde (Blonde ale w/ blood oranges)

Cruz Blanca Brewery - La Floridita (Sparkling rosé ale w/ hibiscus and passion fruit)

Third Space Brewing - FROG Weiss (Kettle sour w/ fig, raspberry, orange, and ginger)

Trillium Brewing Company - Daily Serving: Raspberry (Berliner weisse w/ raspberry)

More Brewing Company - Frooted 3riberry (“Smoothie ale” w/ blackberry, strawberry, and raspberry)

When you’ve been around as long as Stone, you’re bound to take some lumps. And lumps we have delivered in the past by subjecting Stone beers to undeserved spots on our Torture Test episodes. Thanks to Lizzie at Stone, we are finally able to give the brewery its first proper set of arbitrary reviews, and we only ignore one “enjoy by” date in this episode. The beers on the show are mostly pretty great, but all the talk of redemption arcs has us reflecting on past bad beers. We do a comprehensive reflection on six-and-a-half years of the (subjectively) worst beers we’ve ever had on the show, because, well, we’re quarantined and bored. Craig wants his MTV, Ryan just wants the commercials, and we’re both missing the in-person sexual tension. There’s also talk of slamming pogs, rough pours, ᴁon Flux nightmares, flavor descriptor shirts, and a long-held Eufórqestra grudge. 

Stone Beers Reviewed

Buenaveza (Salt & lime lager)

Notorious P.O.G. (Berliner weisse w/ passion fruit, orange, and guava)

Fear.Movie.Lions (Unfiltered double IPA)

Soaring Dragon (Imperial IPA w/ white tea)

Xocoveza (Imperial milk stout w/ cocoa, coffee, pasilla peppers, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg)

We were already becoming very good at staying home and drinking copious amounts of lager before this whole mess, so it’s only natural that we shelter-in-place with a rich lineup of bottom-fermenting beers.  Featuring six different lager styles from six Midwestern breweries, this episode highlights impressive flavor and mouthfeel variations so we actually, like, have stuff to talk about. Ryan takes unforeseen risks to increase contact with the outside world, Craig ponders, “What is cornbread?”, and we show love for the legend himself Willi Becher. Other topical quarantine talking points include sourdough starter dread, Elon Musk is a douche, 3-word beer reviews, and schwarzbier horniness. 

Beers Reviewed

Pollyanna Brewing Company - Lite Thinking (American Lager)

2nd Shift Brewing - Technical Ecstasy (Czech-style Pilsner)

Kinslahger Brewing Company - Prohibition Pilsner 

Third Space Brewing - La Cocina (Dark Mexican Lager)

Pipeworks Brewing Company - Select Schwarzbier

Maplewood Brewing Company - Gold Noise (Dortmunder-style Lager)

This week, we celebrate the resilience of local breweries and bottle shops that are still finding a way to keep getting hazy IPAs into the begloved fans of the juice. Though not necessarily the most hyped haze producers in the area, the five breweries on this show prove to be absolutely worth your contact-free dollar. We have a rare first-timer on the show, share our drunk online shopping stories, give out orange slices to the whole soccer team, argue best milkshake flavors, and admire Craig’s beach bod. Thicc pale daddies are welcome.

Beers Reviewed

Illuminated Brew Works - Junior Astronaut Juice (DDH IPA)

Foreign Exchange - Foreign Chemistry: Citra & Amarillo (DDH IIPA)

Around the Bend Beer Co. - Lost Words (Hazy IPA)

Marz Community Brewing Co. - Crazy Straws (NE-style IPA)

Riverlands Brewing Company - Gilded King (New England IPA)

Craig extends his curbside to wherever he may roam, and after a month of quarantine, he hit up Milwaukee, carbound and down to score some more Third Space. After our visit last July, we’ve been thirsting for more from this brewery that’s just a Christian Yelich homerun away from Brewers’ stadium. We have a nice variety of five beers, and we take inspiration from the brewery’s Seinfeld obsession to run a round of Stumptappd about nothing. We also share some of our new quarantine names, reimagine the movie theater experience, chase grandma with some fireworks, seek solace in the filthiest chips, and really botch a Zoom call-and-reponse. My wife!

Beers Reviewed

Summer Home (Hoppy Blonde Ale)

Unbridled Enthusiasm (Juicy Double IPA)

Haunted Barrel 2019 (Barrel-aged candy bar porter aged in bourbon and rum barrels w/ cacao and vanilla)

Happy Place (Midwest Pale Ale)

Mystic Knot (Barrel-aged Irish-style Coffee Stout)